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Feb 24

Written by: Julie Arduini
2/24/2010 11:00 PM 

I'm loving participating in Marsha's Pursuing Love.  Confronting my fleshy self, not so much fun, but necessary.  I'm so glad Marsha is setting the pace for us. 

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant... 1 Corinthians 13:4

When I started the surrender process I promised God I'd give up anything that stood in the way between me and Him.  It wasn't long after He lovingly put His hand on my heart.  He wanted me to know that I was twisting His words.

How you say?

I was letting everyone know how deep and wide was the love of...

My name in bold.

Dressed to the nines in insecurity, I needed to know I mattered.

So...if no one was saying so (and looking back I'm sure they were in their way, but I still didn't grasp it) I had to make sure you knew I mattered.  Follow my logic?

One of the things I did for my job back then was submit news to the media regarding the organization I worked for.  I loved doing this.  I really believed in the program but once God pointed to my not feeling His love issue, I realized I felt like somebody when the organization's name appeared in the media.  Double score if my name was included.  Triple if my name was in bold.

I joined committees and took on additional roles.  Sure I wanted to serve but buried deep down was the need to matter, desire to make myself matter through publicity and then...be certain everyone around me knew about it.

I became boastful and arrogant out of my own need to embrace the deep and wide love of Christ.  If you know someone who is constantly reminding you about their job titles, their bonuses, their house, their car...please pray for them.  Yes, their actions are boastful and arrogant. 

Chances are, they don't know the real reason why they act that way.

They have no idea how loved they are.  They are insecure and need to know they matter.

Tell them they matter.  Not their things, not their name in bold, none of the material stuff.

They matter to you, and they matter to God.

So much so, His Son died for them.

And is alive, waiting, arms open, wanting to just lavish on them.

You know how good God is?  As soon as I surrendered my insecurity, writings with my name on it started to publish in books.  My name. In print.

And honest to goodness, I could care less.  My joy comes when I learn about someone else's success.

And I can't wait to boast...on them.